In the past, I have tried to keep this blog on an individual level. I may have talked of friendships and relationships, but in a manner that could be described as vague. The other day I had a conversation, not the longest, but with enough substance behind it that for that night I reflected on our relationship.

She was the first real girlfriend I ever had. It makes it all the more amusing to realize it took me 21 years to be able to say, “I’m seeing someone.” I couldn’t have asked for a better beginning. She was tall, brunette, and had an infectious smile. That was more than enough. She also had some good style. What a few preceding conversations started around business/finance classes I would soon be invited to a sorority crush party. This would be the first of several more through out the semester.

Like most relationships they come to an end. It’s a sad fact about life. If we believe in the true definition of marriage, won’t settle for divorce, then through this dating game, through the mixed CDs and awkward moments, comes out a relationship to battle the test of time. Well the years have passed and I haven’t reflected on our relationship till I don’t know when. With life, others will come into view. More memories created, more mixed CDs made, and stories born. And with each new relationship created your mind may become cluttered with the more recent of memories. That’s not to say everything is forgotten.

We didn’t work out. When trying to figure it out I was left with an “I don’t know.” Maybe it was how I acted that summer in NYC. Maybe it was because we were both competitive in school/work (she has a resume that most grown adults can’t even touch). In the end now and then it can just be a feeling. That something, that something that no one is able to describe but can only feel. Or more often not, lacking that feeling. I was saddened, depressed for longer than I care for. Cat Stevens once said, “The first cut is the deepest.” I think he may be right. The conversation I had made me realize I wish we would have tried a friendship later on in college. There is a time of nothingness between when ex and friendship exist. Truth be told, the latter may never happen. It’s like a compromise, the two parties have to be on the same, clear understanding terms.

If you look at relationships, a lot of it isn’t so much what you see in other. It’s what the other brings out in you. Well my first taught me a lot. How to be a gentleman, how to talk on a phone, be spontaneous. But more importantly she taught me how to care for someone. How not to be selfish. She showed me levels of courage that I will probably never attain. She went through more in her younger years than I could ever imagine. She was/is independent and will always be an inspiration. Her passport is stamped from places around the globe. I don’t see that trend declining anytime soon. She shared with me stories about her new career and where it may take her. I can only think that the people to cross her path in the future will be able to take away something. I was fortunate enough to take a lot. Even as we drift further apart I know she’ll continue to amaze me. I wish her the best.