Relationships.....the only thing real in this world

Independance, the first time I realized that I wanted this was in high school. I wanted to leave the hallways of West High. Those long drab corridors plastered with 80's paintings and stories from the past but not forgotten locked up behind gray steel lockers. I wanted to leave everything behind and start a "new life." The journey would take me to Texas, a state that was a childhood memory and not much more. I can still remember cramming for the exams that first semester, hating taking showers down the hall, and the days where I thought it would never get hotter. What I remember more were the days eating in Sbisa alone or looking over a textbook and the only image coming to my mind was the past Montana life. Years would go by and friendships would be created, these friends would become stronger and more influential than anyone I knew from Montana. Except my best friend, who I am in contact with on what seems to be a daily basis. I am thankful.

I became accustomed to waking up in Commons #308, where a roommate and more importantly a friend was just a few feet away. They were there to grab a bite to eat, get my ass in the gym, or someone just to lay around in the living room and be random around or complain to. Late December rolled around it was time to leave this behind, it was time to move on. Again, I'm in a time where I have a clean slate, I can change who I am and what I do. This time I don't want to. I've become happy with the person I've become.

Being alone is hard, it's hard for anyone. I like to think I can conquer the world, I can if I have the right people beside me. I know that in Texas, NY, Kansas, and Montana there are people by my side, however I no longer am able to see their face. Conversations and the meaning behind them become lost across the wires. As humans we are emotional people, the lives of others affect us. I would love to think that I can control my emotions but when it comes down to it, my emotions have a control of me. I came across an interesting observation last night when I went to a sports bar with a group to watch the big dance also known as March Madness. Out of all the people the one I get along the best with and have the same sense of humor with is an Aggie. I guess there is that Aggie family, which I always thought was a myth.

Recently I spoke to a few people about relationships and one such exchange of words sticks out more than the others. It was about moving on and letting go of the past. It's something we can't do. Photographs fade, but memories don't. Now and then we get wrapped up in the moment and look back and smile. Nights alone in bed or on long drives alone they come back almost to a haunting clarity. The experience no longer a thought of laughter, but a thought of longing. Emotions will fill the empty void and just as day becomes night we too change from one extreme to another. The pattern repeats. These emotions are a direct effect of the relationships and hence makes it more real than anything. We can not taste, touch, or smell, but they are there. Just as we can't see the wind, we can feel it and that makes it more real than anything.

There's that saying you don't know what you have till its gone. It's true. Still things happen for a reason, a reason that may not be clear at the time or even the near future. I am not the most religious person, but my parents forwarded me a verse and I hold it dear to me, and I will leave it here.

Corinthians 10:1-13.
"So if you think you are standing, watch out that you do not fall. No testing has overtaken you that is not common to everyone. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength, but with the testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it."