The Life of a Consultant

This Monday marked my first day of true work. In this job or the ones to come (since it seems like I'm a nomad) I will forever be fascinated with the dynamics of the busniess and environment around me. As a consultant, I'm an outsider. I don't know the in's and out's of Travelers Insurance, but I am suppose to know about a specific area, an area in which they need help. Through the week I learn some tasks, shake some hands, and go to a Red Sox game for a "team building" session. Let’s substitute team building for watching other Analysts and Consultants get wasted in front of managers. I had a few, but knew this was no place to go crazy.

I've learned I hate computers. Accenture being IT based, I don't think I'll be able to avoid them. I know with most jobs you won't, can't avoid them, and that fact alone is sad. I just want them to play some mp3s because I'm too cheap to buy the CD and check for the occasional email. Now I sit with glazed eyes entering in data. I hope it doesn't remain too IT based in the months, even years to come. We'll see.

As a consultant we are viewed as outsiders and in meetings have been heard it’s us vs. them. When you hire consultants you want there to be full cooperation, you hired them for the synergy you hoped they would bring to the table. How can I tell I'm still not ready for the real world? In meetings while informed and bringing issues to the table I feel like it’s a game. That this is what kids do when they play house. I'm playing business. It's even funnier because the client side is not entry level people, but senior managers, people in their late 50s. I daydream of saying something random and/or asking people if they truly care. I don’t think they do.

I also wonder about future generations. One problem arose and the client said they could bypass it. Another worker said that would be a good fix, but wouldn't work in the foreseeable future. The guy replied I'll be gone before a problem arises and then it won't be my problem. Not the best attitude there champ.

Another point I'd like to bring up, eventually I'm going to have at least one person underneath me on the client side. Now I won't be appraising them and determine if they deserve this year's Christmas bonus. I will however have tasks to give them and have to make sure they are done right and on time. If I was a 40 year old I can assure you I wouldn't want some fresh out of college kid giving me orders.

Payday was today, woo hmmmmmm. It would be a WooHoo!!!!!!!, but its amazing how much is left, or should say not left. After taxes, FICA (which I'll never get thanks to all those baby boomers), medical, dental, 401K I get a check that pays rent, bills, and maybe a bag of popcorn at the movies. Because of this I have thought more about marriage. To whom? No one at all right now (marriage actually scares me too). But the idea of two income and no kids sounds very appealing. Now if only could find a trust fund girl with a beach house and a ski cabin.....if only.

Ramblings

Will there be a point to this post. Nope. None what so ever. However a Friday night alone with nothing to do I thought I'd go ahead and write a bit.

Towels. What a simple invention. You take a shower, you're wet and need to dry off. Grab this big piece of cloth and wipe yourself down. I've now learned something about this magical bathroom essential. I've known they come in array of colors. Some with stripes, some with cartoon characters, and the floral ones every Grandma in this country has (they've had them for 50 years). A trip to a Linen N Things you will discover towels stacked to the ceiling, all the colors of the rainbow and more. They got large towels, hand towels, and more I'm sure. What I did not know is that there are soft towels. Growing up and being the boy I was I took whatever my parents gave me. Towel that were used to wipe oil of the garage floor. That's ok. Ooh this one feels like steel wool. What's that you say? It's free? I'll take it!!!! College came around and being such the Aggie I am I got maroon and gray towels. Whoop (sarcastic tone insert). Now they did get the job done (the maroon ones also magically turned my beige sheets pink in the washer), but they looked out of my place in this new color scheme I have going on up here in the Constitution State. So now that I'm making a couple dollars I thought I'd get some new towels to match my lovely shower curtain. For five bucks extra the towel I purchased feels a 100 times softer. Now I haven't used it yet, but tomorrow morning should be amazing.

Next thought, I've looked into volunteering. Am I going to help handicapped kids? Looked into it, but times weren't good. Play checkers with the senior citizens. Nah, I don't want to hear the same story every week I see Helen. Work the soup kitchen? I worked at Chuck Cheese in high school and that was bad enough. Am I being rude? Of course, but its just my sarcastic self. I am looking into rewarding opportunities. I'll probably help out with Habitat for Humanity. It's a good cause, but I see it being an opportunity for me to learn handyman skills. My Dad with a screwdriver and maybe a hammer can fix most things around our house. Me, pretty good at holding that ladder. While it’s very early in my job, I don't care for it. It's too technical. This can change and I hope it does. Who knows maybe I'll end up liking it. The marketing major in me though needs some sort of creative outlet. I've contacted two magazines and the paper about volunteer help. Who can turn down free labor? Now I don't know exactly what I would do should they need help, but advertising/PR related would be great. Part of me wants someday to have a column. I'm also looking into the local music venues. Dave likes music. Dave likes promotions. Dave has no life currently and plenty of time. Seems like a good match to me. But these plans if they come to might have to take a break come December. The ski hill 30 minutes away needs volunteers. Can you say free season pass? I sure know I can.

He Started It

Those words that bring about a groan from a Mom and the white knuckle grip on the steering wheel from Pop. Whether it’s off to see the Grand Canyon or visit everyone's favorite cartoon character Mickey Mouse, we've been there, we've heard those words, and we've said them. What I've come to realize is that we still say them, just the manner and words are different.

Our voices rise with anger and yet in this not so pleasant tone we say "I'm not yelling." We act as children, which is disappointing because children are at least innocent and have been exposed to so little. We push the problem. We throw it away like a fastball. We package it in a box covered with duct tape with no return address, hoping it never finds the way back to the source. Finds the way back into our arms.

Recently I've had an ongoing problem with receiving my washer and dryer from Sears. It's been going on for almost four weeks. What lies in my living room is one large box, but more importantly what I might consider the greatest appliance of all time. Tomorrow it is to be setup. Through this ordeal I talked to the Genes, Karens, and Deborahs of the call center world dotted throughout our country. I've dealt with employees at the physical store to management at our apartment. And in my putting together this puzzle (I'd like to substitute headache for puzzle) the root cause was never clearly determined. One person felt it was another, which obliviously then had a corresponding 800 Number where I would get to make my own jingle by punching in various buttons from a touch tone phone.

No one wants to be at fault. Including myself. We hate to be wrong. We like to think that we have the answers and we like to think that we aren't stubborn because of this. We do have the answers, but from time to time they aren't the right ones. We complain about environmental problems and drive our SUVs. The nation as a whole is not behind our President. Maybe it’s the situation in Iraq, his stance on gay marriage, or that he can't pronounce nuclear. If the economy was how it was in the late 1990's Mr. Potato would do just as fine behind the podium. Sorry, Mr. Gore I meant Potatoe (I found out it was Quayle who said this, but then it takes away from the joke). Instead we stand behind a man who cheated on his wife and then lied to us.

People need to understand its ok to be wrong. It's ok to make mistakes. You make a mistake, you learn. You fall down you learn how to regain your balance. You don’t touch your sister, because Dad very well might turn the minivan right around.