The lights go dim....

As the curtain is pulled back the crowd talking becomes but only a slight murmur. This movie does not have the now ever present commercials, nor the 10 previews. Instead of a title and the names of famous actors the scene begins with but a boy. A boy fresh out of college with the world ahead of him who is sitting on the hood of his car laptop in hand pounding on the keys. Wearing his suit he is sitting on a favorite old sweatshirt to avoid getting his pants dirty. In front of him laid out like an empty canvas waiting for the colors from my palette to be chosen is the great unknown. To this green-eyed boy what takes precedence and is more amazing at this moment is the visual spectacle and the vastness of Lake Michigan. One finds it hard to believe to be a lake when you can't see another shore in sight. Watching the sunset it conjures up memories of a California trip where I saw the same sun cool off in the Pacific. The sound of water lapping and the cawing of birds awaken the senses. A narrator begins to speak in an old gruff voice, but one in which you know has stories to be told and words of wisdom to be shared. The narrator's voice is my own some 60 years into the future

"I was 23 at that time. I was young and foolish. Life held many uncertainties and it was wonderful."

It would be a coming of age movie, one destined to be a classic. The movie would continue from this point. This very point where I sit now looking out into vast unknown alone thinking to myself and talking to God. This movie goes on to show the triumphs and failures of this one person's life. My life. It would show moments of falling in love, moments that when you go through you can't believe they are real. Moments you wish you could store in a box and keep on your bedside stand. There would also be moments of loss. Moments that grip our heart with a clenched fist and only being able to truly recover when someone else at some point in time comes into our life when we least expect it. The grasp releases its hold and again we our able to catch our breath and move on. There would be moments when everything in his life would seem perfect and that he would pinch himself for not believing in how very real it was. There would be more moments like the ones he is going through now. Wanting to sleep. Not because of how it helps the body recover from a hard days work, nor because the weight of his eyelids grow heavy as the day progresses. It would be those short hours. Whether it was 4 or a lucky 8 where he gets to escape reality. Everything that isn't going right in my world ends at that time.

I myself am unsure of how this movie will end. Whether it somehow transforms into an action movie with a life ending car chase or one that is merely a comedy tracking my most embarrassing moments. This isn't a plot that can be written for what the future may hold. Yet is rather like one of those childhood choose your own adventure stories with many different possibilities waiting at the end of each page. Which direction will our leading actor take is up to him. That's life and there in lies the meaning. It's worth living. To the fullest. In the meantime, it is time to fold down the laptop and take this all in. The sun has only minutes before it will give way to a starlit sky.

2+2=4

I have another equation for you, but let me provide you with some background information. An empty highway or a city street lit up by lights at night with a favorite CD playing are moments I cherish. There is something about an open road that I truly enjoy. Driving with friends is always entertaining, but when I go alone it provides the greatest sense of freedom, I am able to think about what is going on in my life. I am able to go back in time and truly think.

However there is only so much driving I can do. The new Explorer I've been driving is no long so new. It already has over 1000 miles on it. Now that I am in my region traveling that number will grow only quicker. Empty road, plenty of time, many thoughts result. So just how many highway signs and dead bugs am I going to see on the windshield? The engineer in me still does random calculations in his head.

800 miles a week. 52 weeks in a year. So that is 41,600 miles. Now lets say I average 60mph. Highway speeds are 70 and towns are usually in the 35-45mph range. So 41,600 miles divided by 60 mph is 693.33 hours. 24 hours in a day. The number is now 28.33. That is the whole month of February. That is 28 days of nonstop driving. It's 2am I'm tired I need to pull over. Can't. 28 days of avoiding potholes, wishing for more CDs, sun in the eyes, truck stops, tailgaters and making business calls on the cell phone.

I'm not done calculating. I can't emphasize how much time I spend thinking when I'm driving alone. Now lets say you spend on average 8 hours sleeping, 1.5 hours eating three meals a day, and another 1.5 getting ready for the day or for the night. So now the day instead of 24 hours is composed of 13 hours. So taking the previous 693.33 hours and dividing it by 13 is slightly over 53. So you can look at two months of every youthful year of mine is spent behind a steering wheel. Not the most glamorous job.

But Dave you're making good money. Maybe so, on the road lots of time another calculation. Let's take out the added value of not paying for a car and insurance as well as benefits such as medical insurance. The reason being I don't know what dollar value to assign to them. I've started to calculate that I will be putting in 80 hours of work in every week. 80 hours of driving to my next dealer, time spent in the office, time spent at the dealerships, and the ever-depressing time spent in hotels alone pulling up reports. Taking my salary pre-tax and dividing it by 4160 hours (80 hours a week x 52 weeks in a year) comes up to a dollar value of just slightly over $10. Wow, I am living the American dream. Truthfully, I want to live all of our childish dreams.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

A fireman, a teacher, and the ever popular astronaut. These are the answers, the words a child in elementary school would say. The only two I can remember were a race car driver and an astronomer. Never mind the space shuttle, just give me a telescope and a cloudless night. Time would pass and my ideas of what I would want to do changed. They still do to this day. In high school I'm not going to lie, I was a pretty smart and determined kid.

Two subjects I excelled in were math and science. Numbers and atoms can be proven. They aren't subject to opinion, they exist, and they are factual. With this in mind I would go to a top engineering school and follow my Dad's footsteps. As a kid he would mention big words such as soil contamination and acquisition of refineries. That's great and all, but when are we going to go sledding. Now I was walking on these concrete steps about to follow suit a man I had admired and was proud to call Dad. With a sweaty backpack on filled with pen and papers, I was optimistic of the future before me. Notes to be taken that would lead me to ideas and help me excel in my career, and maybe change the world in the process.

My path changed and I soon switched over to business. I'm glad for that switch. Now I've been in Detroit for the past 7 weeks. Surprisingly a quick 7 weeks. Living alone has given me a lot of time to think. My mind drifts to the thoughts of what I want in a job, in a company, and in life. They'll change. Everything does. I'm 23 and have only just begun living. Still I need a creative outpost. This blog was to be a diary, a journal while I was in NYC, a place to put stories, past happenings, and ramblings to tell my grandkids when I'm bald, blind, and incoherent. Now it is has become a place, where I can put myself out on the line and tell people who are important in my life what's going on in this head of mine.

What does this green eyed boy with a Bugle Boy Jeans and Z Cavarichi t-shirt want now? I want to get back into advertising. I'll continue to pursue this. Surprisingly this is a job that has many characteristics to the worker I wanted to be in 2nd or 3rd grade. It was a person with values. A man who didn't have to be 80 years old to be wise. He's an individual that shared words that I clung onto, and a person who knew how to listen. It was a person who showed me life's little lessons. A man that now and then seemed to know me more than I know myself. I still remember what the picture looked like. It was a guy with brown hair, a mustache, a blue suit, and one arm longer than the other carrying a briefcase. His hair now has a little gray and his mustache has a lot more. The briefcase has been replaced by a good read and the suits now hang neatly in his closet, yet he still carries all those individual characteristics. He's my Dad. It was the person I wanted to be, and is still the man I want to become.

Technology takes away free time.

Here I was at a red light in my new car (take a guess...it's a Ford) on the way to the grocery store. Not even a grocery store, but one of those huge buildings that take up more space than needed where a wonderful park could be built. Inside you can buy a lawn mower, get the week's office supplies, and a case of beer for the basketball games. One stop shopping. Navigating the parking lot and the check out aisles it becomes a one stop headache.

It's cold outside and before I even get to the vehicle the doors are unlocked and lamps under the mirrors light up to make sure my shoes won't get soaked by a hidden puddle. Arms a shivering, I turn on my heated seats. Instead of adjusting the fan and temperature, I hit the auto button. The Explorer knows what the ambient temperature and adjusts accordingly. I am listening to a favorite CD coming through the 8 speakers, if I like I could hop in the back and flip down the TV and pop in my favorite DVD. Without a hitchhiker or a friend in the SUV, I decide not to explore this option. My cell phone is plugged into the charger and if it did ring all I would need to do is hit a tiny plastic button on the stereo with a picture of a telephone to mute the speakers.

I am now here at home typing on my personal computer. Living in the basement I am cramped for space and the company laptop sits sloppily on the bed a glow with the Microsoft Outlook Inbox having more messages than needed. The laptop has a friend called a travel printer, buttons lit up neon green, but incapable of spitting black ink onto the white paper. I guess the travel printer has racked up more frequent flier miles than I have and has taken a permanent break. In the background I hear Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan talking on the TV. Their voices, however, are overshadowed by Ryan Adams playing his melancholic songs through computer speakers.

Conveniences, pieces of black plastic with aluminum trim filled with circuits and wires almost as tiny as a human hair. We as humans become amazed and attached to these belongings. Oh how the buzzing sounds and beeps fill the air around us. Then they break. These things that become as important as a heartbeat stop functioning. Like a heart attack we don't know how to react. We want to call for help, but are stuck, frozen. After we catch our breath we go back to our primitive past and hit the thing. After that for some reason we think it’s the day before Christmas and start shaking it likes a freshly wrapped gift. After the poking and prodding we become 3 year olds and complain vocally. We throw little temper tantrums and don't understand how something so expensive can become inoperable. We do all this because heaven forbid we pick up the pages stapled together titled "instructions." Ten percent of the US population reads ninety percent of the books in circulation. That 10% is the same 10% that doesn’t have the VCR clock blinking 12:00.

Relationships.....the only thing real in this world

Independance, the first time I realized that I wanted this was in high school. I wanted to leave the hallways of West High. Those long drab corridors plastered with 80's paintings and stories from the past but not forgotten locked up behind gray steel lockers. I wanted to leave everything behind and start a "new life." The journey would take me to Texas, a state that was a childhood memory and not much more. I can still remember cramming for the exams that first semester, hating taking showers down the hall, and the days where I thought it would never get hotter. What I remember more were the days eating in Sbisa alone or looking over a textbook and the only image coming to my mind was the past Montana life. Years would go by and friendships would be created, these friends would become stronger and more influential than anyone I knew from Montana. Except my best friend, who I am in contact with on what seems to be a daily basis. I am thankful.

I became accustomed to waking up in Commons #308, where a roommate and more importantly a friend was just a few feet away. They were there to grab a bite to eat, get my ass in the gym, or someone just to lay around in the living room and be random around or complain to. Late December rolled around it was time to leave this behind, it was time to move on. Again, I'm in a time where I have a clean slate, I can change who I am and what I do. This time I don't want to. I've become happy with the person I've become.

Being alone is hard, it's hard for anyone. I like to think I can conquer the world, I can if I have the right people beside me. I know that in Texas, NY, Kansas, and Montana there are people by my side, however I no longer am able to see their face. Conversations and the meaning behind them become lost across the wires. As humans we are emotional people, the lives of others affect us. I would love to think that I can control my emotions but when it comes down to it, my emotions have a control of me. I came across an interesting observation last night when I went to a sports bar with a group to watch the big dance also known as March Madness. Out of all the people the one I get along the best with and have the same sense of humor with is an Aggie. I guess there is that Aggie family, which I always thought was a myth.

Recently I spoke to a few people about relationships and one such exchange of words sticks out more than the others. It was about moving on and letting go of the past. It's something we can't do. Photographs fade, but memories don't. Now and then we get wrapped up in the moment and look back and smile. Nights alone in bed or on long drives alone they come back almost to a haunting clarity. The experience no longer a thought of laughter, but a thought of longing. Emotions will fill the empty void and just as day becomes night we too change from one extreme to another. The pattern repeats. These emotions are a direct effect of the relationships and hence makes it more real than anything. We can not taste, touch, or smell, but they are there. Just as we can't see the wind, we can feel it and that makes it more real than anything.

There's that saying you don't know what you have till its gone. It's true. Still things happen for a reason, a reason that may not be clear at the time or even the near future. I am not the most religious person, but my parents forwarded me a verse and I hold it dear to me, and I will leave it here.

Corinthians 10:1-13.
"So if you think you are standing, watch out that you do not fall. No testing has overtaken you that is not common to everyone. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength, but with the testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it."

RRRRiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnggg

The new school week has begun. This isn't a classroom of periodic tables and the alphabet running the length of the wall. There will be no teacher with those silly posters of cats hanging from tree limbs with copy on that bottom saying "Hang in There." Now there are big blue Ford ovals. The bright yellow school bus has now been replaced by a white Econoline van. Pencil and notebooks have been replaced with laptops. No longer is there a green chalkboard in front of us, but a white screen dedicated for PowerPoint presentations.

Still similarities do exist. The faces surrounding me look tired and exhausted, with daydreams of weekends and escapes. Questions are running through heads, but aren't said. The clock drags on as if the batteries are running low. Gossip seems to be the best thing to talk about. The lunch room isn't a buzz about who wants to play baseball and who wants to play basketball. The murmurs are the sounds of knifes being placed in others’ backs. The laughter isn't because a guy got cooties from Susie, but a joke one feels they must laugh at. An exaggerated viewpoint? Of course, that is just how I write. Training in big business America is filled with corporate ideologies and beliefs that once in the field don't hold as much truth as they as they should. They say one thing and yet we witness otherwise. We are young and want to change to the world, yet we follow suit while wearing suits.

No longer are the dreams of Slip N Slides and baseball cards. Kiss lyrics to "School's out for Summer," are not being played. We march to a new a beat, one that just happens to have 401 of them.

The grass is always greener on the other side.

Many of you that have read this journal can pick up the feeling that I may not be the happiest person right now. I've been miserable before and I know I will be miserable in the future. I will experience grief, death of others, unexpected changes, and what will probably be the worst are the things I can't even imagine. Still here I sit at my business desk in a Marriott thinking how great it would be just be around the roommates and have a conversation about nothing. I'm not someone who expects to relive the college days. I wanted out at the end, I was driven to accomplish everything I needed to. I thought I was mature, but only now have I started to realize all the growing up I have left to do. All the growing up I don't want to do.

This past weekend I decided to send out my resume to several aggies and several advertising agencies. Casting the line I was expecting only a nibble. Instead something struck the bobber quick and hard and it soon disappeared beneath the placid lake. My inbox did compose of several non person emails...."thank you for your interest in Corporation A, we are delighted that you applied and will be in contact with you if a position arises that we see as a good match. We also would like to inform you that we will hold onto your resume for 12 months and will look at it for future opportunities." What surprised me were the emails that said please get back in touch with us, we would like to interview you. Old co-workers saying to call them as they are in positions to help me. A great dilemma now arises. Do I act upon these invitations or do I wait things out? I've only been here for a month yet my gut tells me that is long enough to know what to do. Still Ford has put money and time into me and I would feel bad leaving them for that reason. However I feel at the same time wouldn't hold them back all that much. They make 15,000 or so for every Navigator sold and I haven't been paid that much yet, so whats one more SUV. It's a lot less of an expense that their old CEO Jack Nasser aquired for the Fords and I'm just a lowly field rep.

I don't want to kick myself in several months wishing I hadn't given up on Ford. I also don't want to kick myself when the May graduates graduate and fill positions that I have a chance at now. Life isn't black and white. Life isn't risk free either, but we all try to keep it to a minimum. Here I am in Mishiwaka, Indiana. I went to the mall this afternoon as my phone charger broke and needed replacing. Looking at stores such as the Great American Cookie Co. or Radio Shack, I look at the employees and wonder how they have fallen into this routine. How did they end up here out of all the places in Indiana, the Midwest, the USA, the world? They are here working at a retail store in Mishiwaka, Indiana. Did they chase love, did they not want to leave family, is there something that attracts them about their little store or this little town? I don't have the answers to these questions. I only have the thought that people settle, they don't strive to find what excites them. They are content, they stay.

"This is your life
Are you who you want to be
This is your life
Are you who you want to be
This is your life
Is it everything you’ve dreamed it would be
When the world was younger
and you had everything to lose

don’t close your eyes
don’t close your eyes

yesterday is a kid in the corner
yesterday is dead and over"~Switchfoot

The home remedy

I don't think many people realize this, but when we are kids there is a magician living in our house. With a tall glass of Sprite always filled and a warm blanket covering our little bodies we lay on THE (we all have one) couch in front of cartoons. Our sickness would fade soon due to this magician. It's not David Copperfield or Sigfried and Roy, but rather our moms.

Now some years have past and we are on our own. In college I never did get too sick, nothing a night of sleep wouldn't fix. Here I am in a new job, in a new environment, and now on the road nonetheless and something has attacked me. The first day I figured I can fight this thing, just go to bed early and tomorrow I'll be A OK. The next day, same thought running through my head. The third day maybe I should go to Meijer (equivalent to a Super Wal-Mart here in the Midwest) and see what kind of medicine they have. After my own purchases and utilizing whatever the roommates had the conditions still persisted. I had taken 4 different kinds of throat losengers (Halls and Ricola included). I was taking them every 30 minutes, it became my crack and I was addicted. Now I thought I would mix it up and take some Tylenol and DayQuil, not to mention just a general purpose multivitamin. My "cocktails" so to speak proved to be ineffective.

In Grand Rapids I decided it's time to see a doctor. So here I am in a new state with a new insurance card and not so sure what to do. A co-worker told me of two places and gave directions to closet one. The closest one wouldn't take my insurance. Blue Shield/Cross from Ford Motor Company I thought would be a secure bet. Now to the next place. All I know is the road I am on and which direction is east and which way is west. Fortunately the receptionist was able to give me directions. She must be a local. One thing is for certain, whenever I buy my next car I will be checking the navigation system box. There is no two ways around it.

Today may have been the first day my health has improved, however oh so slightly. Opening my mouth I can barely see that thing that hangs down. That alone stalagtite attached to the roof is blocked by the swollen sides of my mouth. Everytime I swallow it feels like someone is stabbing me with a knife back there. As gruesome as that may sound I can't compare it to anything else. Eating alone hurts and thats why yesterday consisted of a single donut and half a glass of juice. My diet now mainly consists of Motrin IB, Tylenol, and a prescription drug. I would take this combination more, but the labels have advised me not too. I now feel like I am Bill Murray's character in Groundhog's Day. Everday I wake up on the same day. The alarm clock in a hotel bed and the rest of the room composed of all the same fixtures you see in Holiday Inns and Motel 6's. Those paintings that I wonder where they find, the same brass lamps that are never connected to a switch mounted on the wall, and all the white towels a person staying alone would ever need. Instead of reporting on whether the Groundhog will see it's shadow or running into the same people throughout town, my life has consisted of nothing more than the hotel room. I wake up, roll over, grab the remote and turn it to HBO. When I leave tomorrow for the next Marriott, Home Box Office (his full name) won't be joining me. However he likes to surprise me, glowing at the foot of the bed of my next destination with movies and programming for me to enjoy. He is a loyal friend.

"With no secrets, no obsession
This time I am speeding with no direction
Without a reason, what is this fire?
Burning slowly, my one and only
Umm desire, desire, desire, desire

You know me, you know my way
Just cant show me, but God Im praying
That you find me, and that you see me,
And that you run and never tire
Umm desire, desire, desire, desire" ~Ryan Adams

I've come to realize, that while my entries relfect a tone of depression that is something I'm not experiencing. When I wake up before dawn breaks there is an emptiness inside that I am unable to describe. However as the hours of the day roll on this emptiness dissolves. The emptiness is replaced by a longing to finish work and head on home. One thing that keeps me going is to realize I have control over the situation I am in. Will I like my job in a month from now? I honestly don't think I will. I am starting to believe that Detroit is a temporary paycheck. One that will create a nest egg that I will survive on till I find another job.

I've come to realize my roommates are a little strange for different reasons. Some are heavily into porn. Now I would be lying if I said I never saw a pornographic image, but I guess those young curiousity days are long over. Not for these 26 year olds. If their DVD collection won't suffice, then there's always the computer upstairs. Truly bizarre.

I am always up for the random roadtrip, my roommates safe to say aren't . Every weekend I've bring up the lets go to Chicago for the night. Every weekend I get the same response, "NO." For some reason I have a desire to see the Sear's Tower and Wrigley field. I think it would be fun. So last night they weren't up for the 4 or 5 hour drive, so I asked if they wanted to go through the real slums of Detroit. The whole city is in poor shape, but I want to see the neighborhoods with bars on windows of homes and drug dealers on the corner. However they have assured me that it is just too unsafe to do. I will always be curious natured.

Again with the roommates, it looks as if 3 of them will be moving out soon. They bought a house closer to where they work. Now they aren't getting rid of this one as it has become a side business for them, one in which I'm sure helps fill their pockets quite nicely. A potential roommate came over and lets just say she's strange. I'm not a big drinker, I've had a single beer since I've been here. The other roommates drink more, but not by any ridiculous amount. Still there are bottles on the counter and twelve packs in the fridge. This roommate can't be around alcohol, because after a semester of school out of state she drank heavily and as she described went crazy. Parents will always have a leash on us, and for good measure. They do know what's right and wrong for the most part. She came home and now knows not to be around that forbidden substance. Again, bizarre.

"Welcome to the fall out,
Welcome to existance,
Redemption is here, redemption is here,
Between who you are and who you could be,
Between how it is and how it should be

I dare you to move,
I dare you to move,
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor,
I dare you to move,
I dare you to move
Like today never happened,
today never happened..." ~Switchfoot.

Music, it's a funny thing. It's amazing how a song can affect your emotions. Independantly Happy by Blue October is a song that no matter what mood I'm in always puts a smile on my face and changes my outlook. Then I put in some Counting Crows or Jason Mraz and can't help but wish I was somewhere else or with a certain someone. A song can take you back in time. A song can make me remember a memory like it just happened only minutes ago. I am able to picture laughs, Montana's mountains, tears, and Kansas's plains.

We look at lyrics for what we should do with our life. We look for artists who sing songs about the same pain we are going through. To hear such words, we realize we aren't the only ones. We aren't alone. Now and then we just try to find a song with a good beat. What we fail to realize is that we are in control of our own lives. We have control over the outcome. We can make decisions, but live in a world of complacency. We settle and never chase our dreams(seems to be an on going theme). What's the point of dying rich or owning nice things if we aren't able to use them. If I ever run for President of the US I will pass a law requiring all corporate offices to install a set of swings and one of those fun curvy slides. It will be there to realize that we grow older, but should never lose our sense of wonder. It's installed so we can realize it is the simple things that make life enjoyable and that no work should be stressed over.

Anyways I have a CD collection of 200+ and it will continue to grow. I can't lie but I listen to music because of the lyrics too. So for all of you music fans here's a list of Dave's must haves. If you have these then your collection won't be half bad.

Better Than Ezra, Dave Matthews, Pete Schmidt, Dashboard Confessional, Counting Crows, Jason Mraz, OAR, Ryan Adams, Switchfoot, Maroon 5, Pete YornJohn Mayer, Pearl Jam, Matt Nathanson, Blue October, Sly Letter, Guster, Jackopierce, Matchbox Twenty, Howie Day, Graham Colton, Jack Johnson, Damien Rice, Matt Wertz, Dispatch, Five for Fighting, Train

"You sing a song
While sitting at a red light
You think of home
While sitting at a red light

Too slow to roll
Put your life on hold
An open path
With nowhere to go
You start to wonder
While sitting at a red light

You can run a red light
Give up at a red light
You break the mold
When running through the tolls
Speeding through your whole life

A chance to breathe
While sitting at a red light
You look around
reflecting on your life" Johnny Lang

ser·en·dip·i·ty "The faculty of making fortunate discoveries by accident"

It's also a romantic comedy staring John Cusack and Kate Beckinsale I watched last night in my room. It got me thinking are we suppose to look for signs. Not only in love, but in life. If so then Detroit is screaming at me to leave. Friday, I met my main supervisor. I don't like him. He may be smart, he may be one of the best workers in the office. Still I need someone with a personality, someone who will at least say hey Dave how's it going. Instead I hope you are ready for work, we have lots of it(in the back of my head I was like no I don't).

Here's a wonderful thing about the United States second largest automanufacturer. Ford the company that really created mass production wants you to become injured. They hoped for more snow this month. They said sales and sale of parts would be great if there were some more winter accidents. That's the best attitude, I want to work for a company like that....oh wait I do.

The other day my book case came crashing to the ground. Instead of trying to fix it and mend the pieces, I bought a new one. It's better to start from scratch. Should I be doing the same with my job? The regional manager, the most important guy in our office just left without saying where. He left Ford and left it at that. I ate dinner with another girl who I've been training with and she is certain by month's end she will have left the company. Hmmmmmm.

Let's be fair though. Just like any other story, there is another side and one that shouldn't be overshadowed. However, mwah, being the author gets to influence the plot and the direction it goes. The pluses, Pac Man is still going to be hungry. There's only two. The pay and benefits is good for entry level marketing major. Second. Most of my co workers are nice. I don't really work with them though, my interaction now is due to fact I am in a shadowing phase. Still they seem to be wonderful people.

I'm not done here yet, but I just don't know if this place will ever feel like a home. I want to have that feeling again.

“In the quiet hours when we are alone and there is nobody to tell us what fine fellows we are, we come sometimes upon a moment in which we wonder, not how much money we are earning, now how famous we have become, but what good we are doing.” A.A. Milne