10 F

That random two digit number followed by a letter A through F. It's a combination that gives you, a several hundred dollar paying customer a seat on a plane. Will you be in the aisle, the window, or the middle/shit seat in-between? Flying alone in high school with hormones a raging, my mind would only have one thought. hot single girl, Hot Single Girl, HOT SINGLE GIRL. Almost every time denied. Few times I was fortunate, but alas shaggy blonde shy kid I was a high pitched squeak hi is all I could muster. However there was one time the hour and a half flight was filled with conversation and hanging out for just a bit in Denver's terminal.

Now the only thought on my mind flying is nap time, Nap Time, NAP TIME. Flying to NYC, I wasn't so fortunate. Not to stereotype the Jewish population I was surrounded by the sect that wears those wide brimmed hats and have curly sideburns. Three behind me, two to the left of me, and three in front of me. I was a button downed blue shirt in a sea of white. This white population didn't give off the best smell. I would have switched seats, but the flight from where I was sitting looked full.

I have been on flights to exotic locals such as Ft. Lauderdale to London. I have been on massive planes where two jet engines lie under each wing to a plane with a single propeller. I've been fortunate and have flown first class and been on budget airlines where only if you're an amputee would there be enough leg room. I've flown on AirTran, American, ATA, Continental, Delta, Easy Jet, Northwest, Ryan Air, Spirit, Southwest, and United.

What I've learned from flying on all these different planes is 99% no matter how little time you have to connect flights you'll make it. If a plane is going to crash there is no way that little belt around your waist is going to save your life (you're in a 300mph fireball). That when the plane finally docks there is no point to stand because it'll still take 20 minutes for them to open the door. That lost luggage is truly a pain. When flying with parents you can usually get them to buy you an overpriced meal at the airport. Even though there are certain complaints with flying, that the four hour flight beats two days of driving any day.

And Guest

Two simple words written on an invitation. Two simple words that imply a lot more than the size 16 French Gothic font would have you believe. You know that font, the one where when a T is crossed and the slashes on the F become all curvy. Yesterday in the mail I received two such invitations, one for a wedding, and the other a party for a wedding. I can't wait till I get married, you get more gifts than Christmas. Due to my current position, i.e. unemployed, these are two additional functions that I will not be able to attend. I wish I could, but the cost is too high for me to leave Detroit.

Still I look at the invitations with curiosity. Who would I invite? I don't know, maybe no one. A guest can be a friend, but to me that G in guest is the same G as in girlfriend. The older I become and still remain single the larger, the more looming it will be. I will be hiding somewhere in its shadow. You see, I can count all the girls I have dated on one hand. If I was in a freak accident with a combine and lost a couple fingers on that hand I'd still to be able to use it for this counting purpose.
I know its ok to go to these functions single. Still there it is on that little manila card, words that society has put more behind than I care for. Then I realize what effort do I put in to change this situation? None really. Right now that is a good thing, no need for me to start a relationship here in Detroit. In high school I was too immature to date. I was also like 5 foot 4 through my junior year. Thank God the pituitary gland kicked over. Then college started and I did it. Took those exams, rode the buses, went to sporting events, hung out, had some interests never pursued them.

When I do go to old roommates/best friends' weddings this summer the only guest I will be bringing is my smile. For now, that is good enough for me. Yes, this is a corny way to end the post, but I lost my train of thought about ten minutes ago.

And back again...

Much like a Doctor's appointment, a second opinion can be useful. I now have a different view of NYC than several days ago. I like the place. In fact I absolutely love the dynamics of this city. Here is an island several miles long by one wide and yet with each ascending subway staircase your eyes gaze on new surroundings. That there are many different neighborhoods from the very nice Upper East side to the not so nice Washington Heights, and then where the bell rings down at Wall Street. Where walking down 5th Ave. it wouldn't be a surpise to see a celebrity (I saw John Mayer giving a free show and somewhere in Timesquare saw a film crew.) Not your daily happenings in the other cities that dot the US.

But back to the idea of living there. Not yet, not right now in my life. I wouldn't mind being there with a good group of friends or perhaps even a spouse (long away here), but something else will be needed. Moolah (who says that anymore), I'm going to need more than an entry level advertising salary.

It was Thursday night and I am sitting across from the son of the COO of Cintas. Listening to his parents' new 14,000 sq. foot home and having college courses with Natalie Portman his growing up differs from mine. Stories like those just don't happen in Detroit and College Station. After a nice (i.e. expensive) dinner we headed to his girlfriend's apartment on the Upper West Side where upon the roof views of George Washington Bridge and some of that famous NYC skyline were lit up under a dark sky. I fell in love again with this city. I'll be back in a couple weeks for another date with her. Another interview.

After a train ride it was back on the road to Detroit. I decided I would take the longer route and see Niagra Falls. I got there at night and luckily they shine spot lights on it. I would have been dissappointed if all it came down was me hearing it's roar. Back on the road I was deteremined to make it to Detroit. 1 AM rolls around and Detroit is bumped out for a hotel. One didn't appear for 30 minutes. A frightful thirty minutes as I was truly struggling to keep my eyes open. Then we add the fact that its raining, my windshield has streaks, and now I'm not a happy camper. Then there's those signs in kilometers. I was missing America. But I found a place to stay and dropped a decent amount of money. I needed sleep and it was wonderful.

On the road these last few weeks I've seen amazing sights. I wish I could have shared them with others. I wish that gas stops would be comedy breaks where we try on funny sunglasses and hats. That when a guy without a shirt on and has a mullet for a haircut drives by that it isn't just a solitary smile on my face, but laughter that goes on for hours and a memory that is created. I wish that instead of me singing to songs or analyzing the lyrics that stories would be exchanged. Learning of other's pasts and their hopeful futures. I'm sure I will have more such drives in the future. A friend in the seat next to me would be better any day over the CD case.

Here we go again....

With a suit on, bag over the shoulder, and tired eyes in a line next to many nameless individuals I am waiting for the 7:31 train into Grand Central Station. New York City, truly a mecca for many industries, a city so different from many I have visited. But lets take a step back, I'm in Connecticut right now. I am surrounded by 1000 dollar suits and three pointed stars for hood ornaments. This place is incredible. At dinner I notice a table of good looking girls. Me in a shirt from a thrift store and hair cut by a barber and not some fashion stylist on 5th Ave., I doubt I could get the time of day from them. The size of my paycheck and closet are much too small for their liking.

Right on schedule its 8:58 and the train comes to slow stop. Let the race begin. We all get into line and head out the door up the steps and out into the streets. We are here to make a living, provide for a family, and maybe make a difference in this world. My first few steps are shaky, it's been two years since I've been to this land of concrete. But like riding a bike it soon becomes second nature. My pace quickens, and I make my way through the crowd. I am now stepping on others and getting stepped on. I'm hitting shoulders and not saying sorry. I am being a New Yorker. Unlike Connecticut, New York is a diverse city. Truly a rainbow of people, where the characters are more interesting the landscape. Speaking of landscapes here I was in NYC. I saw the Chrysler, Empire, Flat Iron buildings and it wasn't the same. My first time to NYC, I was in awe of this place. Now, I'm like yep its one big city and sure does smell. Stupid taxis honking their horns.

Do I want to live here? Not at all. I left Ford realizing money isn't everything. I arrive to New York realizing it is something. Gas is over 2.10 a gallon, a roundtrip train ride cost me $26, and lunch, merely a quesidilla and a water at your average cafe was about $10. This is one expensive city. Two bucks a gallon, well its NYC, you don't need a car. It's weird and interesting at the same time how everything you need is in walking distance. How if you owned a car here it wouldn't be a luxury, but an inconveince. The largest city in the US for me feels like the loneliest. That would change in time as I met co-workers and others, but thats not then, this is now. I am holding onto a subway handle, as to not fall into the others crowded around me.

4 years ago I went to Detroit with my Dad. He took me the North American International Auto Show. That was when I got my first taste of Detroit, I didn't like it then, but it brought me back. Now only to spit me out once again. Still I was there in hopes of talking to various people to see if they could provide insight on how to be hired. I was nervous and had no confidence in myself. Now I am sitting down with a headhunter somewhere between Park and Broadway on my own with out my Dad holding my hand. I want a job, I might need help, but this is my own doing. I'm somewhere off of Madison avenue speaking to a HR director of one the most prestigous advertising agencies not in the US, but the world. Ask me a question, I'll answer it without second guessing. A day ago I received a call stating I will not be selected for a position. Dave Hoffman couple years ago would shrug his shoulders, oh well, guess it's not for me. That Dave not wanting to break his comfort shell. Now how about you give me a few minutes of your time and tell me how I can improve and in the process (in a nice professional manner of couse) try to overcome your objections.

This weekend I will make the drive back to Detroit and most likely will still remain unemployed. I've talked to my mom's cousin here in Connecticut and fortunately has provided much advice. His daughters have received top notch educations. Top notch, try Harvard and Saint Josephs, and are still unemployed. This a tough market. The last three months I've never been more depressed in my life and when you live in a 10x10 room in a basement with hardly any light from outside your outlook is hard pressed to be changed. I'm going to do a lot of thinking these next few weeks. I don't know what is going to happen, and slowly, very slowly actually, I am starting to realize that's ok.

Random things about my 11 hour drive
1. I-80 through Pennslyvannia is beautiful. I want to see when the leaves change to the vibrant reds, oranges, yellows...
2. It seems where ever I go I have free hookups(places to stay) that I don't even realize till I leave
3. I absolutely love music
4. I love it so much that on these distances to entertain myself I will sing various songs with different accents. 11 hours behind a steering wheel is a long time.
5. That I now don't believe in speed limits, I believe going the flow of traffic. That being said New Jersey and New York provided some exciting times.
6. That my mind often jumps from wanting to live by old college friends to trying to grasp the fact that even I did, it won't last forever so why start now.
7. That I think a lot. There are some people right now I truly miss not having in my life.

5 O'clock shadow and a couple slices of bread.

The life of being a twenty something and unemployed. It's not the glamorous lifestyle of wasting time at the mall, eating out, hanging with friends, and week long vacations that we all hope it would be. It's actually consists of countless hours searching the web for that perfect place of employment. I went to Barnes and Noble and luckily there on the magazine rack shining like a beacon of hope was the one issue of Advertising Age I needed. The one that comes out only once a year that lists all the agencies in the US. I've spent most the days going to their respective websites where either an online form or email address is listed. Then to my delight I get an automatically generated email that if you read between the lines states, "There are more qualified people and even if there is not we will only be interviewing people that are recommended to us. So if you aren't a relative or a friend of a friend then please admire our present portfolio on www.ouragency.com and best of luck to you schmuck." I then go to Monster.com where now and then a good position is posted. Go ahead, be a Monster. If I'm unemployed by the end of this month, you don't want to see the monster I'll become.

Now my day isn't filled with countless hours of TV, or reading a good book, it consists of this machine I am typing on now and the same mp3's playing over and over and over. I am confident I will land a job, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't a bit worried either. I've almost exhausted my resources and now it's coming up to sit and wait. Something in Texas should work out, but just as life is, nothing is a given. I head to NYC next week for an interview. A week ago I was stoked, I get to go back to the city of my most incredible summer. Now I look at it as one huge expense. X amount for airfare, X amount for taxi rides, X amount for food, X amount for getting pickpocketed. Which sums up to a whole lot of cash that I don't have.

Unemployment isn't just a bottomless void of negative thoughts, technically I could sleep in. Sleeping in for me though is 7:30, but I have to admit that is another two hours of blissful sleep I didn't get a month ago. I don't have to shave which is something I really do like. Funny thing and a thing I just don't get my facial hair is red. Real read, just bizarre.

Living in Motown, a city that needs more town. Maybe in several weeks I'll be able to call this place: Leavingtown, Hopetoneverhavetolivehereagaintown, and the list goes on.

City Slickers is a good movie.

I don't know if many of you remember this early 90?s classic, but a character crossed my mind on the drive back to Detroit. I don't remember the words or how it was even phrased, but Jack Pallance the old cowboy basically said life is about one thing and would raise his finger in the air. Billy Crystal through his trials and tribulations would discover what this one thing was to him.

This one thing is your life. You get this moment, blink of an eye quick stay here on Earth. It is up to us to make the most out of it. We live in a society where we try to push blame. It's our job, its issues with family or friends, it's where we are in life. Believe it or not, these are things we can have direct control of.

There are two modes of thought, one using our head and the other using our heart. Unfortunately they usually are in conflict with one another. One is practical and the other is that romanticism that lies in all of us often being ignored. Our heart tells us what we want to hear, but our brain tells us what we should do and we follow. I believe people think that this gray mass only provides answers at the beginning. However, it?s not going anywhere that we don?t. So follow your heart, our head will still be there to put the pieces together.

Case in point, I recently quit my job. Was it a wise decision? Honestly, the answer is no. I am now unemployed, don't have another job lined up, and as my parents continue to reference don't have medical insurance. My head shaking no to the question with fury. Another question needs to be asked, was it a good decision? Absolutely, my heart answers beating strongly. I was not happy with the type of work I was doing and would be stuck in the position for several years. I am now happy and the pressure of the job now weighs on Ford and no longer my shoulders. Of course there is a part of me that is concerned about being unemployed, but this is where my head comes in again. I have a good one on my shoulders and it has helped me in the past and will continue to do so.

My Mom used to or I should say still does say to me before I leave on a trip or adventure, "Dave you get one life. Don't waste it, be careful." I agree with the first part, we don?t see eye to eye on the second. I have gone skiing out of bounds now multiple times. I was truly living. I hitchhiked with friends in Seattle. I was truly living. I rode the subways at 3am in NYC alone. I was truly living. I jumped out of a plane. I was truly living. I take these risks and never look back. If I was to die tomorrow I can actually say I lived an amazing life. I don't want to grow old and be bitter about my past. I don't want to grow old either and only reminisce. I want to continually look ahead, I want to continually live this one life. This one thing.